We try to find in the other what we have discarded in ourselves.

The illusions of the “special relationship” and the need to constantly search for completion. Says that we try to find in the other what we have discarded in ourselves. They become our replacement. And we become theirs. We are not really in love with them, but with our fantasy. We do not see them. We see only what we want them to be. It’s a fantasy. Every fantasy, through the belief that it is attainable, removes our own sense of completion. Fantasy deprives us of knowledge. The way out, is to value reality above fantasy.

Re-parenting the burgeoning consciousness of the child within his own self is painful

Re-parenting the burgeoning consciousness of the child within his own self is painful but the most rewarding as the intuitive voice gains strength and power in recovery. 

This forum was created to provide a safe, sane place to use, discuss and study The 10 Stages.

This forum was created to provide a safe, sane place to use, discuss and study The 10 Stages.
We gather together to support each other in healing from addictions, compulsions, and dysfunctional, self defeating, destructive behaviours. We encourage each person to find and revel in their own power, intelligence, self-esteem and strengths. We are here to support each other, but we do not presume to know what is best for another. We realise that all people unfold in their own way and their own time. We learn from each other and draw strength from seeing the courage of others, yet we keep the focus on ourselves. We listen to each other's pain, but we also bond in power and joy and encourage everyone to take the necessary steps to live with respect and meaning in their lives. We are open to all possibilities for healing and finding our internal wisdom and power.

sexual energy is like a microcosm of the larger energy of life, and that dysfunction in our sexual energy can be related to and recognised in our bigger problems with joy and pleasure?

sexual energy is like a microcosm of the larger energy of life, and that dysfunction in our sexual energy can be related to and recognised in our bigger problems with joy and pleasure? Sex typically symbolises pleasure at the lowest level, the first and second chakra. Sex also symbolises the uniting of the male and female in the dynamic of creation. Your sex can reveal your desire (for instance) to abuse or repress the female aspect. Ultimately we seek a balancing of the male and female, the yang and the yin. This balance we must find within ourselves.

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The way to deal with normal sexuality in a healthy way is to keep on healing.

The way to deal with normal sexuality in a healthy way is to keep on healing. To grieve. To feel. To learn your internal stumbling blocks. To know yourself. To devote yourself mind, body, and spirit to resolving your deepest emotional conflicts through unearthing your buried traumas and untangling their hidden webs. To build a strong core of a true self, a connected relationship with the best of you in your inner breast, and then to confront your perpetrators either in person or in your own private psyche. This is to heal. Perhaps this healing process will involve masturbation somewhere along the way, though as it progresses it becomes much less likely. Healthier people do not like to act out. It hurts them.

Masturbation puts you nicely to sleep

Masturbation puts you nicely to sleep, lulling your unresolved childhood traumas back into their  repressed caves in the unconscious. But healing ultimately saves your life, whereas masturbation ultimately leads you nowhere – and keeps you stuck in your misery, and keeps you repetitively acting out the worst of your childhood history.

Masturbation is risky for anyone with unhealed childhood wounds that is, all of us who are not yet fully recovered.

Masturbation is risky for anyone with unhealed childhood wounds that is, all of us who are not yet fully recovered. Although our biology plays a part in motivating us to express ourselves sexually, our unresolved emotional issues push us far more strongly. We are emotionally motivated to masturbate by a craving to play out unconscious dynamics of parental rescue in an attempt to bypass the healing process.

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Dissing/disassociation is acquired awareness of what hurts a logical solution to an open question.

Dissing/disassociation is acquired awareness of what hurts a logical solution to an open question.

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In the reinstatement of the valued child within

In the reinstatement of the valued child within we have to be careful of the dropping of the “old self” that we sometimes are calling freedom is not the re-enactment of the neglect and abandonment experienced as a child. It is through the slow and steady transformation out of our wounds – by coming back and completely identifying and reconnecting with the child who was left behind – that an authentic freedom exists.
The “many” will never choose this road…it’ll always be the few.
Why?
Because it takes a complete devotion to the abandoned one and a giving up of every other method the world can offer us to secure salvation.

If you drop the old self, the traumas are gone automatically.

Let me tell you just one thing: as long as I was working with the old traumatised self, as long as I was trying to change or improve the old self, I was getting nowhere. I had to drop it. And when I did, I was actually free. Of course, it picked it up again because I am so accustomed to live with my suffering. It was very strange to experience such freedom. I didn’t know what to do with it. It was something new (or something very old but forgotten). My system got confused and frightened…

In short, emotional traumas are connected with our old self. By dropping the old self, traumas disappear automatically (you don’t have to deal with all the details from the past). The traumas are a part of the package called self. If you drop the old self, the traumas are gone automatically.

When we are dissociated/escaping we are not at peace with ourselves at all.

When we are dissociated/escaping we are not at peace with ourselves at all.
WE are haunted by anxiety and stress of having to keep escaping our genuine feelings and of having to pretend to be happy all the time. We  recognise this for ourselves because this is what the way we used to be.  And by escaping our feelings, we create an inner void which is filled with either addictions or other people. Which becomes self perpetuating within the fellowships. A constant re-infection of negative feelings.

The repetition compulsion is the inner drive we have to reenact our traumas

The repetition compulsion is the inner drive we have to reenact our traumas in an unconscious urge to somehow solve them. The repetition compulsion is an urge that so often dooms us, because it, like all bad decisions, just sends up careening back into more pain, suffering, and trauma.

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There really is nothing remotely Like TENSTAGE+: all bad decisions we make, even our reenactments of our wrong life threatening decisions offer us a chance to learn.

There really is nothing remotely Like TENSTAGE+: all bad decisions we make, even our reenactments of our wrong life threatening decisions offer us a chance to learn. And here is the hope, the simple hope for all of us: self-reflection. We can learn from our bad decisions.
We just have to study ourselves.
We have to study our motivations.
We have to study our histories.
We have to study our feelings.
We have to become honest with ourselves. This is at times invariably painful too, but if we can tolerate it long enough to be able to sit with it and trace it to its origin, then we can grieve it and we can ultimately reconnect with our true selves. This is how we heal trauma. And once we do that we find that our true selves have the greatest allies imaginable: our conscious minds, our natural intuition, and our passion.
And with those allies how can our future decisions, and therefore our self-care, be anything but excellent?

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Magazines, catalogues, junk mail, bills more than a year old, notes to yourself, notes from others, old work stuff … toss it!

TenStage Topic
We make the discovery we have the power to take charge of our lives and stop being dependent on substances or other people for our self-esteem and security.Magazines, catalogues, junk mail, bills more than a year old, notes to yourself, notes from others, old work stuff … toss it! The only exception is with tax-related stuff, which should be kept for seven years, and other important documents like warranties, birth and death and marriage certificates, insurance, wills, and other important documents like that. But you’ll know those when you see ’em. Otherwise, toss!!!!

FORUM SUBJECT: A good parent self-reflects, and uses this as her basis for nurturing those less mature on their journey toward autonomy.

A good parent self-reflects, and uses this as her basis for nurturing those less mature on their journey toward autonomy. A good parent does not exploit others for her own unmet needs, and use her children as the objects for acting out her own unconscious and unresolved childhood traumas. A good parent shares the best of herself freely and willingly, and in so doing builds alliances for all-time, based neither on promises of future back-scratching nor fears of retribution but on love, respect, admiration, and gratitude. A good parent acknowledges that she herself is limited by the buried damages she carries within, but a good parent holds the ideal of full enlightenment as the beacon toward which she grows. And a good parent turns over the reins of power to those she has nurtured when they become wiser and more mature than she. This, and nothing else, is her reward. This weeks Subject for discussion

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• Our feelings are the most common way our inner guidance talks with our child within.
• We, are mistreated as infants and children, treated inappropriately for our species.
• We are not five sensory beings; we have 6 senses, intuition being the sixth and most important sense.
• One of the biggest question at the ten stages is
• True Recovery comes through the true self, our child within.

This forum was created to provide a safe, sane place to use, discuss and study the 10 Stages of Discovery

This forum was created to provide a safe, sane place to be able, discuss and study the 10 Stages of Discovery.We seek to create an area of truth,trust and consent to be able to allow the child within to express itself in the privacy it requires.

We gather together to support each other in healing from our dysfunctional coping strategies, addictions, compulsions, and dysfunctional, self defeating, destructive behaviours. We encourage each person to find and revel in their own power, intelligence, self-esteem and strengths. We are here to support each other, but we do not presume to know what is best for another. 

We realise that all people unfold in their own way and their own time. We learn from each other and draw strength from seeing the courage of others, yet we keep the focus on ourselves. We listen to each other's pain, but we also bond in power and joy and encourage everyone to take the necessary steps to live with respect and meaning in their lives. We are open to all possibilities for healing and finding our internal wisdom and power.

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• Just by making contact with the child within and that their is an attempt to make an empathetic listening environment that starts the process of building a new recovered self
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